Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Don't give away potential answers to cliffhangers in the description! Keep it interesting! You used a lot of imagination for the names, I love how you spiced up the name "Jacob" (or Jakob, Jake, etc).


Your 'style' of writing catches my eye, I don't exactly know how or why, but it does. I can hear /your/ (sort of) voice reading it to me, and it has a soft vibe. I can easily see what and who /you/ are talking about in this piece.

Originality – Believe it or not, I haven't read many books that involve this sort of /technique?/ It could have been a bit more detailed, but, agreeing with ~blueskywatcher you were tired and wanted to roll off to bed. :P Scanning through your previous literature submissions, I can tell you are attempting to create your own sort of... writing style?

Technique – This work could be better - but, once you get into the /vibe/ of this story, plan it out more, I'm sure it'll be great!

Impact – At the beginning of the story, I had to look up what an Australian Cattle Dog looked like, lol. You chose a beautiful breed.
I can only imagine how Jaykob felt when Edaan jumped out of the window and ran into the city streets, because I've never experienced something like this. (My cat would never leave the house, lol, and if she did, she would come right back. Never would venture that far from her cat dish)

All in all, you did set up a very imaginative story - my favorite part was the beginning, where you used the word ambled. Did you have to look that up? lol

This is my very first critique, so I hope this made sense. xD
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.


No comments have been added yet.

Add a Comment: